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There is no such thing as a self-made leader.
There is a myth we see scattered across our culture—movies, books, podcast, magazines, and social media feeds alike devour the “lone visionary” archetype.
We love scrappy founders who challenge convention, and ruffle feathers, and build megalithic organizations, all while steamrolling their critics.
Even if most of us resent their authority over us, many of us secretly yearn to be the wealthy executive, or notorious influencer, or the eminent politician.
These one-person bands—these solo stars—make for great tv, but they aren’t real. At least, not the way we think of them.
Behind the facade of every success story stands a team: a critical set of contributors that make the myth seem like reality.
Today, I want to dig into a very specific type of team member you need alongside you if you want to be successful in any arena of leadership:
Your cymbrogi.
Sword Companions
There is a special kind of friendship that is critical for leaders and, sadly, quite rare.
Even if they don’t buy into the myth of the self-made success, many leaders feel a certain isolation that comes with the territory.
The weight of responsibility rests on them in a way those without that same authority can’t quite relate to. Their decisions affect the livelihoods, wellbeing, and even the upward mobility of many people.
That’s no small thing, and it can feel incredibly lonely.
Which is why every leader must identify and lean on their sword companions.
The ancient Celts had a word for a special kind of friendship: cymbrogi — “sword companions of the heart.”
These aren’t business partners, mentors in a transactional sense, sycophants, or yes-people. These companions don’t come around because of what they can get from you.
Cymbrogi are the ones who love you fully and will stand with you through all of your challenges, dysfunctions and permutations.
They get you and let you be you. They have full permission to speak into your life, and their voices are loud in your head and heart even when they’re not in the room.
You do the same for them. You carry them. They carry you.
If you have cymbrogi, you already know who they are. And you can probably recall a handful of pitfalls they’ve saved you from.
If you don’t, make it your leadership quest to find them.
The City and its Keep
I often teach leaders to think of their relational world like a medieval city.
Your marketplace is busy. It’s full of transactional relationships. Clients, colleagues, acquaintances, contacts. These relationships are important. They’re just not intimate.
Your castle courts are for close allies, mentors, peers, and apprentices. Friends and many of your loved ones will be here as well. These people know you and make up your support system.
But the castle keep—the innermost space—is sacred. It’s reserved for those who hold your heart. The guarded place for the people you can be unguarded with.
Very, very few ever earn access to the keep. The ones who do might be called cymbrogi.
Why This is Crucial for Your Leadership
The health of your inner circle directly determines the health of your leadership.
I often say that you must know yourself so you can lead yourself. Only then, can you lead others. But knowing yourself doesn’t happen in a vacuum, and the people who know you best will give you precious insight into the way you show up and the impact you make upon others.
Your cymbrogi serve as mirrors to see yourself more cleary.
They serve as soldiers to fight battles alongside you.
They serve as comforters to console you in your losses and counterbalances to keep you humble in your wins.
And they become your opportunity to practice doing the same, which is the ultimate calling of any leader. You learn clarity, support, challenge, and communication (all vital leadership skills) at the deepest of levels from these deepest of friends.
Who is in your castle keep? Who are your sword companions? How are you cultivating those relationships? If you’re struggling with depression, or isolation, or anxiety, or confusion, or any number of challenges, notice if you can name your cymbrogi.
And call them today.
Ask yourself, when was the last time you spoke to them or shared a meal with them?
This kind of friendship is a critical lifeline for you in the loneliest and most desperate leadership moments.
Neglect your sword companions at your own peril.
How to Find Them
I wish I had a formula. I don’t. Human relationships are not an exact science, but I can tell you what I’ve observed.
Cymbrogi are almost never identified the day you meet them (though some kindred-spirited friendships can grow quite deep very quickly).
Cymbrogi can be cultivated—because you can move people from one area of your relational city further in, with a little intentionality.
Find them in the Castle Courts.
If you’re looking for cymbrogi, take a look at the sections of your city outside the castle keep. Who is in your castle courts that might, with some time and intentional conversation, be invited into the keep (or at least deeper into the courts)?
Who have you had some connection with that energized you? Whom do you truly believe you can trust? What would it look like to bring them closer in proximity, invest more time into them, and trust them with more of your raw, unfiltered ideas or questions?
Invite them to a Table.
When you identify one or two that you believe might have the makings of cymbrogi—even if it’s too early to tell—invite them to the Table. A meal, coffee, a shared athletic event or hobby you find interesting.
Over meals, over time, over conversations that go deeper than the transactional, by offering the vulnerability and consistency you hope to receive in return, you can tease out whether these people are trustworthy enough to hold more weight in your life.
Whatever you do, whatever you carry, you will inevitably face seasons where you need people you trust to help you carry it.
If you have cymbrogi, nurture those relationships intentionally and consistently.
If you’re struggling right now, reach out to them. Don’t try to white-knuckle your way through leadership in isolation.
If you don’t have cymbrogi right now, search your castle courts for those who could become them for you.
Sincerely,
Karl
P.S. Last week, I released a special YouTube video on how new generations can navigate disillusionment with corrupt societal leadership. Yes, I talk about Epstein and the horrific fallout of low-character leadership. But I also aim to give a redemptive perspective on how leadership itself must be reclaimed and reimagined if we hope to build a more beautiful, more hopeful world. You can watch it here.
Thank you sir! I love the connection to mediviel imagery. Will do my best to find my cy(I will butcher the word sorry😭) from now on. Have a blessed day!